I will see you again
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: One shot with Dorothea telling D'Amour about her marriage to Philip Swann. Based off the film Lord Of Illusions


"She's just flesh Swannie boy! I'll show you!"

Dorothea snapped awake. Looking around her eyes widened, still asleep and unfocused. D'Amour who was sitting beside her reached over and gently shook her arm.

"Dorothea?"

Finally she blinked and found herself in a airplane. D'Amour and herself were flying first class all the way to New York. Taking a second, looking at the blue colored seats in front of her and then down the ail were stewardesses walked around. Knowing she was safe she took a few deep breaths before looking over at D'Amour. Softly smiling she shook her head.

"Sorry, just another nightmare…"

"About him?"

Dorothea nodded.

"It will pass, that's the whole reason your coming with me…to lay low for awhile, start over."

Dorothea tried her hardest to smile but couldn't find the strength. Just one month ago everything had happened. Her life that she had grown so used to, hidden away in her mansion from the real world came crumbling apart. Her worst nightmares from when she was a child returned. Thinking back at everything that happened made her entire head ache. It seemed as though in just the blink of an eye everything fell apart.

Sitting back she smiled over at D'Amour, trying to pretend she was relaxed. D'Amour went back to his newspaper. Looking past him and though the window all she could see were clouds. She was leaving everything behind to start over. But would New York be any better then LA? She somehow knew it would. New York didn't have so many awful memories. Looking over at D'Amour for a second she found relief. She really didn't know what they were. She was attracted to him, and owed him her life after what he did. She found him easy going, friendly, handsome, and safe. He had been the one who stayed with her through everything, and he had been the one who helped stop it.

She was renting a penthouse in New York for the year. She planned on trying to sort through everything and pick of the pieces of her life. She really didn't know if things with D'Amour would work out. He lead a life in which the strange and unusual were a common thing. Dorothea on the other hand wanted to escape that. She knew if they didn't work out together they would stay friends. D'Amour had a good soul and she wanted to keep him close.

He was now the only one left that truly knew what happened.

"Flesh is a trap…"

She said to herself in her head. Ever since she agreed to leave for New York those haunting words seemed to repeat themselves. Sitting there and trying to relax she thought back to her awful nightmare. Seeing Nix with his ugly rotting skin raise his hands as Philip crashed against the wall bleeding. How she curled up in the doorway crying just like a child.

She missed Philip, in fact D'Amour had no idea how bad it was.

It seemed as though the moment Valentine told them that certain night nearly a month ago that her husband had faked his death to keep her safe…her entire heart froze up. For years she wanted to blame him for everything that happened. That the distance and pain in their marriage wasn't her fault. That she didn't marry him for love, nor ever could love him. That their marriage was mainly based on the fast he saved her so many years ago. She knew this was a stupid lie. And that she kept so many things hidden. But knowing what Philip did, trying his hardest to keep her away from all the evil and darkness that made them meet in the first place. Thinking back, she remembered when she was twelve and he was nineteen. How he saved her and turned on the only man who felt like a father to him. The only person who took him in as a runaway and changed him. Giving him power and strength and made him into an amazing man. He had risked this all to save her life.

Then he used his power to give her a lifestyle he always thought she deserved. For years she thought he did this just for himself. That all the fame and success got to his head and he misused his powers. But she knew the truth. He was perfectly happy living in that old broken down trailer in the desert during the first two years.

He gave her everything, always trying to please her.

She knew she loved him, and the fact everything fell apart wasn't any of their faults. It just happened. They slipped away. But the pain seemed far too much, so she lied and pretended she hated him for all of it. But knowing how quickly she went to bed with D'Amour after those awful swords dropped of Philip only days before. Watching in complete terror as the audience screamed and struggled to run out. How she stood there unable to grasp her mind around what was happening. Philip was really dead? The young teenager who had saved her? Philip was everything to her…and now he was gone? Feeling alone, confused, and scared that she soon would be killed as well, she found comfort in D'Amour.

But she felt awful about what she did.

All of these risks Philip had taken over the years were to make sure she was safe. She knew how heartbroken he looked when they gazed at each other across the room. She knew she had been an awful person and should of loved him through it all.

But before she could say anything, he was gone.

Holding his shaking body as he cried, Dorothea knew this was really did. The evil was killed, Nix was gone, and so wasn't the magic. Trying her hardest to sooth Philip's shaking body through the pain, she felt him go still. It was finally over.

Since then, her heart ached for what had happened.

Philip was really gone.

Dorothea then looked at D'Amour. They still had a long flight ahead of them and she needed to get this off her chest. Looking down at her beautiful sparking moonstone wedding ring, her heart began to softly pound. She remembered when Philip proposed with this. She had just turned seventeen and they were in Paris for his tour. He took her out one chilling evening and wrapped his coat around her before revealing the ring. It was one she had her eye on in one of the shop windows when they first arrived. Dorothea remembered the excitement spread across her face as she gasped. Swann smiled, somewhat unsure.

"Does that mean yes?"

One year later they were married.

Looking at the ring, she knew it was silly to still wear it. But deep down inside she couldn't bare to take it off. Finally after taking a deep breath she looked over at D'Amour.

"I have something to tell you."

D'Amour folded his newspaper and looked at her.

Dorothea didn't even know where to begin. Looking down at her wedding ring she sighed.

"Swann and I…we had a son."

D'Amour stared at her, somewhat surprised.

"You never mentioned it…"

"He died when he was very young…two in fact."

"When?"

"Five years ago…he was in an accident."

"What happened?"

Dorothea sighed, she knew this was going to take a lot out of her.

"You really wanna know?"

D'Amour nodded.

"Of course."

Dorothea stared down at her ring again.

"I became pregnant almost right after we got married…we had to wait until it was legal, so I was eighteen. We never really thought about starting a family since we were so young and so much was happening…I mean I was child myself."

"So it wasn't planned?"

Dorothea made a weak smile.

"Not at all…we were just coming back from his European tour and had bought the mansion in Bel-Air. We traveled a lot so I had no idea until I was throwing up every morning and sleeping through the afternoons…Philip made me take a test and before we knew it bang! There was a positive sign."

"Were you guys scared?"

"Scared…I think all the color went out of Philip's face."

D'Amour softly laughed making Dorothea smile.

"I remember just crying, I felt so scared and helpless…but after the shock settled in, Philip took me by the shoulders and smiled, saying that everything was going to be fine. I believed him since he had taken care of me and hadn't lied to me…so there I was, eighteen and about to be a mother."

"How was the pregnancy?"

"Fine, I mean sure I was uncomfortable, but I really enjoyed it. I didn't have any friends other then the staff…so while Philip traveled and worked I would be fussing around with nurseries with the housekeepers."

Both D'Amour and Dorothea smiled.

"There wasn't one single problem…I even suspired Philip when he came home after a week of performances in Vegas with news that we were having a little boy."

"He must have been thrilled."

"Oh, I never saw Philip like this before…ever since everything happened it seemed as though he was scared, faded almost and on edge…but this baby made him so happy. He was so excited and that's all he could talk about…before I delivered we decided to name him Paul."

"That's a nice name…Paul Swann."

"The baby came in the fall, the delivery was hard and all I can remember was crying and holding onto Philip. He was my rock during the entire thing…I knew he was just as scared but he stayed strong and kept telling me I could do it…then just like magic he came."

Dorothea remembered that day, laying in the hospital bed completely drained and covered in sweat. Then the doctor holding up the crying baby and how amazed she was. That just came out of her, a real person…she was now a mother. She remembered holding the baby, on the verge of tears and looking down at him. He was really here. Philip leaned over kissing her forehead, his eyes also filled with tears and he laughed.

"Good job honey, good job."

They now had a son.

"Philip took a whole year off to be with the baby. We were scared of course but had more then enough help…even Valentine served as an uncle."

D'Amour smiled.

"We were always at that baby, fussing over it, and completely amazed at how perfect he was. He loved Philip though, always cried whenever he left the room, always was still whenever he held him…even before he was born whenever Philip talked the baby would kick."

"Swann reminded me of a man who would of made a good father."

Dorothea felt touched by this statement and smiled.

"He really was, I think that was our best year together…just the three of us, hidden away and completely forgetting about all the darkness around us. Philip loved that baby…"

"He died when he was two?"

Dorothea felt a heavy stone replace her heart before she slowly nodded.

"Philip returned to work, but he stayed close…I was at home with the baby and was having the time of my life. Paul was never fussy and always so good., I dressed him up all the time and took him downtown whenever I went shopping…so many times people stopped me to comment on how beautiful the baby looked…he had Philip's eyes you see."

"Oh…"

"I loved being a mother, I loved fussing over the baby, playing with him…I even started showing him the basics on swimming in the pool, he was perfect."

"And Swann?"

"Woke up every morning, even if he had worked all night and gave Paul his breakfast. I would often wake up an hour later to find him crawling around on the carpet with him, laughing and playing."

Dorothea felt her chest grow heavy, she knew this was going to be hard. So many memories…

"We were planning on having another baby, I had just turned twenty and Paul was two…he was walking around a little bit and talking, he mostly just said daddy. In fact whenever Philip had to leave for a show, Paul would press up against the living room windows and look out as his limo pulled away, always saying Daddy gone…daddy come back…it broke my heart."

"When was the accident?"

"Soon after…it was summer and I was outside with the baby, I had just taken him in the pool and now we were taking a walk around the property…Philip with due home any second, he was downtown with Valentine for a meeting."

"What happened?"

Dorothea took a deep breath, she knew this was the only time she would be able to say this.

"You saw our driveway…it was long and ended with the gate, well we were walking through the lawn when Paul's ball began rolling down the hill. He turned towards me, dressed in his little swim trunks and looked confused. I told him he could go after it…"

Dorothea's words began to break apart.

"He…he started down the hill towards the driveway, when I heard the truck…we hired these young guys to come by a few times a week and fix up the yard…they were speeding while driving up the hill and had the radio on loud…I heard them coming and froze in panic."

Dorothea looked down, tears were starting to blur her vision as she spoke.

"I screamed for Paul to stop and began running, but it was too late…I heard the breaks screech and then this awful noise, I remember just running over and seeing the van swerved off and against one of our trees…the front of smoking and both guys stumbled out, their heads bleeding. I looked around and that's when I saw his ball…and then a huge puddle of blood."

"Jesus…"

Dorothea felt herself cry but she went on.

"That that exact moment Swann was pulling up with Valentine, they saw the truck and stopped right away…I remember Swann running up and just looking at me, his eyes terrified."

"Where's the baby?"

"I remember him asking him, his eyes wide…I couldn't speak, I just began to cry and that's when Philip saw him under the truck, he screamed and pushed one of the guys to the side and crawled under, his clothes getting soaked with blood. I broke completely down and Valentine held onto me as I struggled…he yelled for one of the men to run up the house and call an ambulance."

D'Amour sighed, he saw how awful of a story this was. He knew so very little about Swann and Dorothea's marriage. Now a lot of the pain behind Swann's eyes because clear.

"Philip dragged him out and I remember seeing him, just laying there limp in his arms, there was so much blood I started going crazy, I kicked and struggled but Valentine wouldn't let me go. Philip held Paul and began rocking him back and forth, crying…when the ambulance came they sedated Philip and I and took Paul's body away."

"Dorothea…I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"A lot of people didn't know, it hardly made the papers since Philip never really wanted Paul to be photographed by the press. We spent a few days in the hospital recovering from the shock. When we were released Paul was cremated and we spread his ashes in Nevada."

"How were you guys?"

Dorothea wiped her eyes.

"Bad…we were both on sleeping pills and got hooked for awhile. Philip didn't work most of that year and just sat in his study crying…he lost a lot of weight and his hair, he became pretty sick."

"What about you?"

Dorothea shook her head.

"Just had bad…I had a mental breakdown, I cut most of my hair off and just laid in bed crying…nobody could make things any better. I think from that moment onward we changed together, that's when we started drifting apart. Within a year Philip tried to forget about everything…he boxed up all of Paul's things and locked the nursery…he then threw himself into work and we barley spoke."

"Had it been like this the whole time?"

"It got a little better, I mean time really doesn't heal anything…but I tried my hardest to move on, each day was a step forward…but I felt trapped in the mansion. I was convinced we were cursed…that Nix's people had something to do with it. Philip and I argued a lot and soon we were sleeping in different bedrooms. I knew he still loved me, and I tried to love him…but after Paul we just couldn't be the same."

"Did you guys ever talk about him?"

"Not without fighting, soon all of Paul's photographs or anything that reminded us of him was put away. Time past and I wanted another baby, I thought that it would help with the pain and let us move on. I tried my hardest to let Philip know that's what I wanted, but he just couldn't do it. Anytime we made love he would roll off and start crying…I couldn't reach him."

"Did you tell him you wanted another baby?"

Dorothea nodded.

"He told me it was too soon, that he needed more time…that it was common for women to want another baby after they lost one, but he told me he couldn't replace Paul. I tried my hardest to explain I didn't ever want to replace our son…I just wanted another baby, I wanted to feel alive again…"

"Did you guys try?"

"We slept together, but no…Philip didn't want to try anymore, he said his heart just hurt too much. So all he did was work, and I stayed alone in the mansion. Soon news began to come with everyone's deaths and we knew something was happening. It really was a curse, we couldn't escape the past."

"And that's when everything happened?"

Dorothea slowly nodded before tears slipped out of her eyes. D'Amour reached over and gathered her up in his arms.

"Shhhh, it's okay…"

"I just miss Philip so much, he really was a good man."

"I know he was, but what he really wanted was for you to survive…to move on."

Dorothea slowly nodded.

"I know…"

D'Amour then looked her straight in her eyes.

"Your alive, and if you believe enough…Swann and your son are somewhere watching over you."

Dorothea smiled before gently kissing D'Amour on the cheek.

"Thank you…"

After a little while Dorothea slowly fell asleep in his arms before they landed in New York. While she slept she thought of her husband and knew that when she died she would be set free. That one day she would be able to see him…and their son.

But not yet.

Not yet.


End file.
